Future, Past, Present

All right, so I didn't actually write an article a day, but I have come back to write some more. I have had a busy two or three days. Friday saw a trip to Dublin with my sister. just a car trip, straight there and back, but a great excuse for a natter. Having been mostly couped up in my house for the last two months I am like a caged bird being offered its freedom, when any outing is offered. Dublin, like all cities is a pain to get through and twenty times harder to get in and out of than it was, say five years ago.

On my return home I immediately returned to my computer and cyberspace. I have become addicted and haven't had the courage to Google for a rehab clinic. Do they hold online addiction clinics online? One of my pleasures over the last month or so, has been to stumble upon stumbleupon. It's a web facility that allows you to stumble upon web pages you could never think to visit. Among the thousands of pages I stumbled across was The Secret. Perhaps you have come across The Secret before. It's a movement, organization, corporation, group of enthusiasts or sales pitch. Make your own mind up. It explains in The Law Of Attraction that we bring to our lives that which we think about. It's a theory that has been around for many years. In recent years I have also come across the phenomena of Cosmic ordering, where you send a message to the universe to expect it to provide. To the mildly sceptical among you, both seem airy fairy, new worldly, and a big load of ****. Fair enough. But what if your scepticism, and there's nothing wrong with a healthy dose of scepticism, held you back from actually trying some of the techniques suggested by the protagonists. Wouldn't you feel left out in the rush to see your dreams fulfilled. I think I'll try a few requests myself and let you know how I get on


The secret

It reminded me of a course I had the "pleasure" to partake in a few years ago. There has been much written about the Landmark Forum on the web. Some good, some bad. I'm afraid my experience was a bad one. The seminar/course is very intensive over the course of a weekend usually, with lots of fascinating, involving, interactive discussion. On analysis afterwards, it's more like clever indoctrination using subtle and less than subtle techniques. Some people really thrive on their philosophies and one or two "implode". That's what happened to me. I was at a vulnerable time in my life and succumbed or fell foul of the internalisation that the course encouraged. It helped put my life on hold for a couple of years, but I'm back now and ready to face the world again. Mind you, if you follow the philosophy espoused by"The Secret" you might say that you bring into your life what is in your own thoughts. So, I had it coming to me from my own negative thoughts. It's possible. I'll never really know. All I know is that there is a way back from the depths of depression that occurred at that time. For those of you who are in that dark place, believe me, there is a way out. It may coming with the healing of time, or from someone offering help at a certain moment, or from divine inspiration. Just a small chink of light is all anyone wants to see. A restoration of joy or the opportunity to feel that special emotion again. I pray it comes to you.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

Support Group

Giving

Day two of this blogging lark...wonder how many days I can keep this up. Not too early to rise today. It's cold out there. No snow yet, but it's clearly on the way. Quick breakfast and a check of the emails and then into the shower. Plenty of time before the ambulance calls to take me to physio. "Knock Knock!" just as I begin to clear the lather away. Damn!!!..."be down in a minute"...scrambling as best I can to get dressed half wet...it's so hard to pull on those socks...thank goodness Keith, the driver is so understanding.

Physio for me works on a couple of levels. It helps me to understand those subtle exercises I need to work on that will help restore my muscular strength. And it's also a chance to meet some people at the same time. Most of the clinic is made up of older men, much older, by twenty years or more. One attendee is Johny, who happens to know my brother. He had a stroke several years ago and is slowly learning to move again. He is wheelchair bound but has a positive spirit about him.

After physio I get Keith to drop me off in town to do a couple of messages. It's when I am walking down the street that I say "Hello" to a lady who is apparently waiting at the bus stop for her connection. She smiles and asks"Are you all right" I respond saying "I'm fine, It's just that my legs don't work so well"....."Mind yourself" she says in a friendly sort of way" and I continue my walk.

Within a minute the lady is walking beside me telling me how she has just lost some money. Being the Good Samaritan (mug,fool,eejit...put in your own word) I offered her a couple of pounds to see her on her way. You would. wouldn't you? She then continued her journey, at a faster pace in front of me.

I popped into a friends then for a quick cup of tea and related the story. "Oh! That wee woman. Sure, she's at that all the time. She's usually at the door of the local supermarket tappin' everybody. She's been doing it for years. Probably making a fortune!"


It was largely what I expected to hear. Would it put me off giving to someone who asks for such help again. I doubt it, because which of us knows when we might find ourselves in similar plight. So the lady was "tappin" me on a semi professional basis. Her need for cash was so great that she dispensed with that layer of pride and self respect most of us would adopt. Maybe it's what keeps her alive.

Despite the hype that abounds that we are a self centred society there are people out there who are prepared to give when asked. There's the wonderful example in our local news over the last week, where when a disabled boy's van, his only means of transportation was stolen and destroyed in a violent attack. The original story disgusted many. Within days the story had a happy ending when a coach hire company provided the family with a replacement. Well done Chambers Coach Hire.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/ni/northern_ireland/6340397.stm

I've started so I'll finish sometime

I feel like I'm on a first date. I'm so nervous. Should I shake your hand or kiss you on the cheeck. I don't know. Well, lets start the polite way, with introductions. I'm Wee Beef. Yes that's my real name, or at least it's my real nickname, from early schooldays. I'm almost 50 with a lot of time on my hands. More of that later. I've been threatening to write a blog for the last few months and now I've got around to starting one. Why not. Have I got anything to say. Only the next few months will tell.

Just two months ago I contracted, though I don't remember signing the contract, Guillain Barre Syndrome. I've always been suspicious of anything with a double barreled name and this time my suspicions were well founded. I noticed something wrong on the Tuesday afternoon when I couldn't quite turn the key in my front door. Shortly after that I realised that I needed two hands to lift the handbrake on my car. "What's happening,Man." shouted the little voice in my head. I called my doctor for an urgent appointment the next day. Wednesday morning arrived and I popped out of bed only to find that my trusty left and right pegs, that had served me well for so many years decided to wobble and shake. With great difficulty I hobbled into and out of the shower. That inner voice raised itself from a shout to a scream.....STROKE???MS???

I called my sister in desperation as it was obvious I couldn't drive myself to the footpath, let alone to my doctor. An hour later, having struggled with little power in my legs or arms, I was in the surgery. "Looks like a virus to me." said the young female doctor. "PHEW!!!!!! Not a stroke then?"."No...If it gets worse, just let us know".

It's at times like this that you see the true value of family. My sister took me to stay at her home were things certainly got worse. Within twelve hours, my legs had turned from feeling unsteady to jelly. Early the next day after a sleepless night of worry, my sister called for an ambulance to take me to the local accident and emergency department. Within half an hour the doctor on call had identified a possible cause for my condition. "Guillain Barre" he said. "That Liverpool footballer had it ,you know! We'll just have to do some test." Now we're getting somewhere. This "thing", this "invasion" of my body has a name. It's a starting point.


www.gbsfi.com


A few hours later I am in a ward in the hospital, lying, almost immobile, waiting for more news. Eventually a junior doctor comes along and tells me about the condition. It appears that the syndrome usually develops after someone has a virus. Your immune defence system is triggered into attacking your nervous system, starting with your outer limbs. This eventually causes paralysis. It's a rare condition. One in fifty thousand. "Oh Lucky Me"

Many people reading this have spent time in hospital, so I won't bore you with every detail of the two weeks I spent there, suffice to say that public health workers are worth their weight in gold. Dedicated , helpful, resourceful. All these and more.

Since leaving hospital in mid December 2006 it's been a tough journey. With every patient there is a different recovery pattern. Some take weeks, months, years to regain their former strength. Some never recover fully and a small percentage actually die from the condition. So yes"Oh Lucky Me"

So now I am convalescing at home as my legs start to work again and my arms begin their long journey back to life. What they don't tell you is about the long sleepless nights when your limbs "pop and fizz like firecrackers" as your nervous system reaquaints itself with it's old buddies. This too shall pass. For some the condition can increase anxiety and bring on depression. Sorry, "got the t-shirt" on that one, so I won't be travelling on that road, but I can see why it might lead there. Frustration and fatigue.

If you are someone who is recovering from Guillain Barre and want to get in touch, feel free to contact me

Anyway, thats about enough for now. I shall continue this blog at a later date, moving on to other subjects besides myself.