Stand Up, Why don't you?

As infants, not that my personal memory stretches quite that far back, I believe we all had an inbuilt desire, calling or whatever to stand up. Perhaps it was a genetic throwback or merely the logic of watching those around us moving effortlessly in and out of our vision on two feet, while we remained static either on our backs or bottoms, wondering just how we might emulate their behaviour. After a few dry runs, much effort and an inate understanding of balance we sussed it out and were on our way, never to slip back to those days of cfdependence on others. A time when we could stand on our own two feet.

My sister says I should become a stand up comedian. She says I should find myself a location and just go for it. She wants me to set a date and make it happen. She has every faith that I can deliver the goods. For me it's back those infant days. Yes, I've watched most comedians and performers over the last forty years from Morecombe and Wise to Frankie Boyle, thinking "they are so cool. I'd like to do that" At boarding school I performed with the lads in a school revue where I had to deliver my lines dressed as one of the school's two on site nuns. The performance was legendary and is still talked about......by me. Indeed I used to have a joke repotoire that would embarass Bob Monkhouse, but could I deliver a stand up routine that would make an audience laugh? It's something I shall ponder over the coming days. Let me start my possible routine with you and see what you think. Here goes. Good evening ladies and gentlemen Did you hear the one about the man who made his car engine out of wood....It wouldn't go.....well it's a possible starting point

It's been a busy week or two since we put digital print to screen, or pen to paper, as they would say in the olden times. Most memorably I have been in awe of more than one hundred people from all over Fermanagh and Tyrone who congregated at the Bawnacre Centre in Irvinestown for a 24 hour Cancer Research Relay for Life day at the weekend. It began on Friday last at 7pm , included a beautiful candle lighting memorial ceremony for those who had passed on through cancer and more memorably those who had survived the rigours and uncertainty of the disease in it's numerous forms. 8 or 9 groups from Ballygalley, Ballinamallard, Dromore and Irvinestown have been organising events and collections over the last few months, focusing on the 24 hour event. Many camped overnight at the site, choosing to walk on a special constructed walking track, others chatting into the less than small hours. Not I. It's beauty sleep I need and crave and they thoughtfully provided me with bed and board in the nearby Mahon's hotel. Next morning, Saturday at 10 30 the whole place was buzzing again with 30 or 40 8 and 9 year olds playing football. This was followed by a Games hour for the adult teams, involving olympic type sports like the beanbag on a bat race, or the sack race, this time with three or more team members in the one sack. The afternoon continued with performances by some of the younger folk dancing and singing. The not so far away St Patrick's Pipe Band from Drumquin performed musically, one or two later joining those who had their legs and chests waxed on stage. The whole event was brought to a climactic conclusion when a fine car was given away in a raffle prize to a very happy lady from Lisnarick. The event had been organised by local lady Beulah Irvine and her hard working commitee who with the various groups , managed to raise a staggering £73,000. More it would appear is to follow. Pretty impresive, I have to say. The whole event was graced by the best weather all year, which I must also thank for my rosy complection. Most accuretly for the rosy hue that emenates from my cranium....deep sunburn to those who can't read between the llines

So, back to the stand up......What do you call a dog with no ears.....anything you like,....he won't hear you